By Kelly Corkery
What can we do to support our friends and families when we must be socially distanced? Suddenly, grieving families find themselves without arms to enfold or hands to hold. No outlet is available for others to help say goodbye. We are unable to help celebrate the life of an ill or deceased loved one. Visitations and funeral services fall by the wayside, limited to 5 people only. There’s nary a goulash or hodge podge to be found.
I miss the way a good hug can instantly lift my mood. But human touch is not the only way we can build connection. Online, I see people sharing messages of love, songs, crafted tributes and even recipes to provide comfort to the grieving. Based on these experiences, here are eight suggestions for messages we can send or actions we can take to offer grief support.
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A Good Old Fashioned Phone Call-If you can get over the fear of “not knowing what to say,” sometimes there are no words of comfort, but the griever is simply waiting for a sympathetic ear and a familiar voice.
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Card in the Mail- I love getting non bill-related mail. A thoughtful card, either purchased or homemade, lets us know that someone thinks of you highly enough to purchase a stamp and Google your postal code.
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Specific Offers of Help-Omg, this. Yes, this. While many of us feel helpless and offer up the standard, “If there’s anything I can do…”taking the bull by the horns to undertake a specific task at an overwhelming time can be very much appreciated.
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Music-The gift of song has proven exceptionally powerful during times of grief and uncertainty. The Ultimate Online Nova Scotian Kitchen Party (Covid-19 Edition) is a great example of bringing people together. Or you make and share a Spotify list of songs that remind you of family, friends, and happier times.
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Memories & Photos-Perhaps you found a photo on your phone, one that captures a favourite memory, something special to you. I’m betting that the visual reminder of their loved one will also be cherished by the griever. It may bring a smile to their face or at least remind them that they will smile again one day.
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Thoughtful Gifts-This one can be a bit tricky with the fear of the virus living on surfaces. However, nothing is stopping you from dropping off some beer and snacks with some Lysol wipes on the doorstep. Include a note stating you wish you could join them, but for now it’s enough to know that you are thinking of them.
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Gratitude-I don’t know about you but all this time has given me the opportunity to reflect on how very much I value my friendships. A text stating as much is a brilliant way to say, “I miss you and we’ll be together when possible.”
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Legacies in Remembrance-In lieu of flowers, donate to a favourite cause or charity in the name of loved one. Add a new flower or shrub to your garden so you are reminded of them each year. I love saying “Hello” to the green things I planted in memory of friends and family. A Daphne for Steve, yellow roses for Ellen, Rhododendrons for my cats (Hey, we grieve pets too), Lilacs for my Mom…
Staying connected
As we go about our new normal and settle into the unsettling rhythms of a pandemic influenced world, I truly long for the day that we can all be together again. In the meantime, please reach out to someone who is grieving a loved one, is self-isolating, or maybe just missing their regular life. Let our kind words embrace those who need it most.
[Note: Kelly Corkery offers professional home & office organizing, decluttering and downsizing services as well as advanced planning. Website: A Sorted Affair; Facebook: A Sorted Affair—Organizing and Advanced Planning Solutions.
