By John English
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace.
Taking on the reading of War and Peace is a project. This nineteenth century Russian novel runs over 1000 pages. (Full disclosure – I haven’t read it, but it’s definitely on my list.)
Written in 1869, its backdrop is the invasion of Russia by France, and the resulting conflict and battles as they affected five aristocratic Russian families. A significant portion of the novel is taken up with Tolstoy’s thoughts and theories about freedom and the importance of history, among other topics.
One doesn’t have to read this gargantuan novel to glean some wisdom from it. While referring to various military strategies employed in the battles between French and Russian forces, Tolstoy’s quote could just as easily be considered in the context of the many small skirmishes which make up my everyday life. If I think of myself as a “warrior” experiencing a typical day or week, I can see that there is potential for many minor (and some major) conflicts – between myself and my family, my neighbours, my government representatives and/or agencies, my accountant, my mother-in-law – the list goes on.
Perhaps the most harmful conflicts are those I have with myself, stemming from a lack of acceptance of myself, or an impatience with the way I experience the world. Why did I do/say that? Why did I do/say that AGAIN? Why can’t I be more (fill in the blank)? Why am I so stupid? Being a warrior is always hard, but when I am fighting myself, the outcome is usually anxiety, discomfort, depression, sadness, and feelings of worthlessness.
It is useful to consider the roles of time and patience in resolving conflicts, both with others and with the self. Patience is within my control. Unlike time, which “marches on” without any ability on my part to stop its passage, patience can be nurtured and honed through practice and self-awareness. I can think about why a particular situation or individual irritates me, and perhaps find some incident in my past which triggers an impatient response. I can then address the disturbing feelings stirred up by that past experience rather than projecting those feelings on others. I can learn to be more accepting of the inevitable discomfort caused by minor irritations or petty conflicts. I can practice an intentional kindness and an attitude of forgiveness towards others, especially towards myself.
And I can be grateful for time itself. Time can be my ally, providing space for a return to emotional balance. Time allows for reflection and provides room for perspective. I cannot control the passage of time, but I can control what I do with that time. I can choose to use it to stew and fume, or I can use it to find positive and productive solutions to my troubles.
We often downplay the courage required to confront all the large griefs and small vexations of everyday life. Tolstoy fought in the Crimean War, experiencing horrors I can only imagine. The experience changed him. He learned the value of time and patience the hard way. I am grateful that I can turn to those who have suffered for insight and wisdom.
